Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have the it-factor? Notice how they radiate with charisma, positive energy, confidence, power, and things seem to effortlessly go their way? These people don't always have abundant finances, dashing good looks, the most coveted career, affluent social circles, or effortless success, yet, even the most skeptical and hardened personalities are secretly enamored with these charming individuals.

You find yourself wondering how these charismatic people are always the life of the party, why everyone turns to them for advice and companionship (including yourself), and what they are doing that you aren't. What gives people the 'it-factor' and makes them so irresistible? It's the same thing that will make you irresistible to everyone - including your spouse.

The answer is this: it's a combination of healthy confidence (not arrogance), self worth (whilst maintaining humility), and a genuine respect, love, and positive intent for others. There is a fine line between healthy confidence and arrogance, self worth and pride - and they cannot be faked. You can always tell when someone possesses true confidence versus arrogance, when someone bears self worth versus egoism. Arrogance, pride, and egoism are ugly, but healthy confidence, self worth, and integrity are attractive. Why? Because at the center of each of us is the desire to be loved and accepted without judgement, and people who possess confidence, self worth, and a genuinely loving and respectful heart are unlikely to judge - and they're typically more fun to be around and offer wisdom most don't.

So how does one obtain confidence, self worth, and a genuine respect, love, and positive intent for others? I believe it begins with self worth. Sounds simple, but it's not always easy. Realizing your own self worth comes from knowing yourself, your strengths,, what you have to offer, and believing in yourself - and the knowledge that your worth doesn't depend on talents, money, and other worldly things, rather, you have worth simply because you are alive. If you have a good heart, positive intent for yourself and others, are an honest person, and are doing your best - you are worth SO much. And if you aren't - if you are dishonest, have mal intent, are stuck or lazy, there is always hope and you can grow (and knowing this should provide a decent level of self worth). People who understand their self worth don't need validation because they see/find it themselves. Understand that you are not your past mistakes. You are not your current situation. You are your integrity, strength, big heart, and you are love. That defines your worth. When you understand your self worth, you gain confidence, and with those come a genuine respect, love, and positive intent for all others.

To become irresistible, develop the following habits:

Understand and Practice Mirroring

Mirroring is consciously mimicking the body language, spoken word, and facial expressions of those you interact with. Mirroring is powerful, and part of being an irresistible person involves the use of mirroring as a tool. Mirroring another person makes them feel aligned with you, connected to you, and that can lead to trust. Mirroring shouldn't be conducted in such a fashion that it's obvious to the person with whom you are communicating - that would be alarming, throw up red flags, and make you look fake and weird. But if you mimic in subdued ways, it can be a powerful tool. Also, initiate positive signals with the person with whom you are conversing - this will help others naturally mirror you. Use positive language, smile often during conversations with them, and they will unconsciously return the same. They then will walk away from you feeling great about you, their time with you, themselves, and will be in a better mood.

Treat Everyone With Respect

Be consistently polite and respectful to everyone. Maintain humility and realize you aren't superior to others. Genuinely know that everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

Be Authentic

Neither try too hard, nor dominate conversations. Be authentic - meaning, be open, honest, and genuine. Don't exaggerate, act dramatic, or pretend to be more/bigger/better than you are because that behavior is unnecessary when you have confidence and self worth. Authentic people are typically trustworthy which is a magnetic characteristic as well.

Become an Excellent Communicator

Dive into deep conversations because small talk prevents deep connection and keeps the relationship in a superficial realm. Ask quality questions that pull quality information out of others - your listeners will open up and talk - and we all know most people enjoy talking about themselves and their life. When people give answers about themselves or their life, follow with more quality questions that will extract even more from them. Focus on what you’re being told, not what your response will be. Maintain eye contact throughout your conversations as this fosters depth, connection, and trust.

Follow The Treatment Rule

They treat others according to how people need to be treated. Learn to read others well, behave in ways that ease others to make them feel comfortable, and learn how to satisfy their 6 Basic Human Needs. Individuals all have different needs, so jump at the chance to fulfill individual's needs because this is the fastest way to help others grow and reach their potential.

Look Well Put Together

You're a walking advertisement of yourself and people decide what they think of you within the first 7 seconds of meeting you. Be presentable - be kind - smile - smile with your eyes - look your best. Everyone knows that people who take excellent care of themselves are capable of taking care of others, being responsible and disciplined, and genuinely care and respect themselves.

Be Positive and Passionate.

Bored people are boring people. Instead of being boring, view life as the adventure that it is. Be a light and positive energy that others want to be part of. Realize that difficulties will come your way, and you can overcome any obstacle with determination, creativity, and commitment. Teach others to do the same. Lead by example.

Judge Not

Don't heavily partake in conversations involving controversial topics and touchy subjects. Definitely share your opinions but clarify that you know it's an opinion and not a hard truth for all. Don't consider yourself right and others wrong, because there's more than one solution to every problem.

Maintain Integrity

Honor your word, avoid gossip for the reasons outlined here, be honest, have nothing but positive intent for all others, and do the right thing no matter how difficult it is. Don’t obsess over your reputation, instead, focus on contributing to others. These characteristics represent trustworthiness, so it's no mystery why people are drawn to those with integrity.

Need help in all of these categories and feel overwhelmed at that thought of enhancing all these in a short amount of time? Be gentle with yourself and realize that growth takes time. Choose one of the skills above and work sole on that skill for an entire month, then choose the next skill you want to hone and work on it the following month. Continue adding a skill a month, and within a year, you'll be a better version of your current self.


If you'd like to join my Facebook group Marriage Matters, come join us at: Marriage Matters

If you'd like to listen to the podcast episode on How to Be Irresistible to Your Spouse on The Marriage Show on, find it on iTunes here: iTunes / Apple Podcasts.

If you love YouTube, check out my channel here: The Marriage Show on YouTube.

If you desire marital improvement, personal growth, or a massive life transformation, please set up a free consultation at:

Until next time, love one another!

Be Irresistible,

Search By Categories