Are you plagued with the toxic emotions of shame and guilt and have NO CLUE how to release these negative emotions and move forward with your life? I believe shame and guilt are two of the most toxic emotions humans endure. Please don't think these emotions stay with the one person experiencing them. When a person is riddled with guilt and shame, it seeps into the relationships and lives around them - including marriage.
So many marriages (and entire family units) are suffering because one spouse is stuck in life, frozen with these emotions.
It doesn't matter what is causing you to suffer from guilt or shame, you CAN break free. That's exactly what I discuss in this episode with this Beautiful Soul, my guest, Tammy Greene.
Tammy is my favorite voice in the shame and guilt arena. Tammy is a Psychotherapist and women’s empowerment coach. She specializes in helping people release shame and guilt that has plagued them from painful life experiences so they heal, step into their power, own their truth, and live authentically.
[0:25] Tammy defines the difference between Guilt and Shame; how people use each differently; what shame allows people to do in relationship; the behavior shame creates in relationship; shame in relationship is like cancer
[6:22] According to Brene Brown, the three ingredients shame needs to be created. Shame flourishes and grows under these three ingredients; normal shame vs toxic shame and what each looks/feels like
[11:12] Our bodies get taken over by our emotions. This can be positive or negative. Shame is housed in four different areas. (heads, chest, hearts and stomach); symptoms of toxic shame
[14:57] Tammy has had clients who have committed abortions, clients who have had premarital sex, clients who have cheated on their exams and feel bad about it, clients who have committed infidelity and feel bad about it. People react differently with their conscience. Some may feel guilty after telling a white lie and for some it may take something big like murder for them to feel guilty. Infidelity is what Tammy mostly sees and most people ask her whether they should tell their partners about infidelity or not. It is possible to release shame and guilt of a burden or secret without ever having to come clean and disclose it to a person offended by it. If the value system of the person who offended is impactful, in that the secret will tear him or her down then disclosing it paramount.
[20:55] The three C's that remedy shame: connection, courage and compassion. Tammy defines each and what they look and feel like. When we view our self from a humanistic angle, perfectionism does not exist and therefore a person can release the framework that he or she created that they have to be perfect because perfectionism is a sign of shame.
[23:18] Living authentically is being free to be yourself; no need to hide or put on masks. When a person is authentic, they are able to be present in the moment. They are not pulled into their past with symptoms of depression and they are also not launched into the future with symptoms of anxiety. A person will be able to stay present in the moment and focus on the relationship they are currently in.
[31:24] How to walk away for a conversation / communication break and why; what to do once you reconvene;
realizing the line between one partner's emotion and what the other partner needs to acknowledge; taking care of self before dealing with the shame of the other; finding the appropriate way to guide the conversation and find solutions
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Until next time, love one another!