The greatest people in the world have been hurt the most. Look at Nelson Mandela. Suffering has a way of molding humans into otherworldly forces of nature that create massive positive change in humanity.
Personally, the people that have hurt me the most were spiritual guides in disguise - they came into my life to teach me invaluable lessons. Even abusive people - they strengthened me, molded me, pushed me, taught me a resilience I couldn’t learn anywhere else, and I learned the power of comeback. My most hurtful experiences have turned out to be some of my greatest learned lessons in life.
What’s this have to do with marriage? You hurt each other. Sometimes you deeply hurt each other. But you should, also, forgive. Forgiveness is for self as much as for the person you're forgiving (if not more). But it’s also beautiful gift to give forgiveness. Not forgiving, holding on to bitterness and resentment, is toxic to you. Forgiveness is beneficial to your health (mental, emotional, spiritual and physical) and more growth occurs in people when you forgive them than when you chastise them.
But look - you can point the finger at your spouse. You can blame them and judge them all you. want. But I want you to understand something - everyone does the best they can do in any given moment. If they could do better, don’t you think they would?
I think so!
It’s human nature to always want to do and be better. But in any given moment we operate at our level of maturity, consciousness, emotional intelligence, spiritual understanding and overall ability. - in the moment. So I really believe we do the best we can in each situation.
Instead of judging, I encourage you to try to UNDERSTAND your spouse’s feelings and behavior. If you can understand why they behave and feel the way they do, you’ll come up with a solution.
But understanding people can be difficult at times - especially when your emotions are heightened. So eliminate emotions - meditate, pray, exercise - do whatever you need to do to eliminate your emotion from the equation - because you can’t experience creativity, resourcefulness or problem solving when you’re in a negative emotional state.
Don’t run from suffering - lean into it, embrace it, learn from it, and then grow out of it so you can go on to create a better marriage and life.
Until next time, love one another!